I wrote this in the underbelly of late February 2021, when my world felt very dark. Writing it made me feel less lonely. If you’re in the underbelly now, or have ever been, I hope it makes you feel less lonely too.
She pulls her mask down to her throat so that her lips can speak clearly, just this last time, just this small rebellion.
My mom entered my childhood bedroom on Saturday morning as she often does: before 8am, and with an announcement.
“In these uncertain times…” is a phrase I’m really starting to hate. “Now more than ever…” is another group of words I’d like to punch in the face.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the day everything changed. When it became clear there was going to be a before and an after, and we realized that we were suspended somewhere in between.
If you haven’t witnessed an elementary school car parade, you should.
Nana has survived some shit. This, we have always known. It explains her morbidly optimistic outlook, her incredible ability to move forward in the face of adversity, and much of our family’s collective neuroses. But how did she do it?
Have you ever had a panic attack? It struck me this week that many people may never have felt the weary tightness in their chest, watched helplessly as the world tilted behind their eyes, been overcome by a silent, lurking, whirling darkness.
We are in hiding from a silent, invisible monster. The world is in hiding, together.
Running forward, jumping in, attacking head on, knocking over lampshades and stepping in potholes, moving with the clunky conviction of an oversized ship that has set its course without looking at the map. Moving, moving, onto what’s next, towards somewhere, a shoulder smacking against the wall, a trap door opening underfoot. We are clumsy and…